Armistice
by Moranth
Summary: After Thane's loyalty mission, he and Kolyat are afforded a moment of quiet to speak with each other about things that happened 10 years ago. Inspired by "You Don't Get To Be Sorry" By Dashiana on Deviant Art


"You killed her."

The cool statement of fact pierced Thane to the core. He hadn't beaten her himself, he hadn't put the gun to her head, but he had set the wheels in motion for the hands that had.

Alone in an empty interrogation room with his son, Thane knew he would have to answer for his sins. They'spent long minutes just looking at each other, neither sure of what to say, or where to begin. Kolyat had gone first, the simple accusation disturbing what was left of Thane's calm.

"They were looking for you, and they killed her instead." Kolyat went on, incredulous. He wouldn't even look at Thane. "What did you do to them?"

"They were kidnapping hanar. I killed their leader. I stopped them."

"For what?" Kolyat scoffed, the sound getting caught in his throat. Drained of his bravado, Kolyat seemed small and deflated. But the anger was still there, lurking just beneath the surface. "Money?"

It was all Thane knew. He hadn't planned on starting a family, but he had. Irikah hadn't liked it at first, and Thane had sat by, while she worked. But then she became pregnant with Kolyat. He couldn't not remain idle while his pregnant wife worked to support the three of them...

He had no other skills. He was what the hanar had made him; a killer. Irikah hadn't been happy about the path Thane had to walk, but she'd understood. She had trusted him, and he failed her.

"Yes."

There had been bills to pay, food to keep on the table, a roof to keep overhead. Thane knew he wouldn't understand. The gap between those who lived the life of an assassin, and those who did not was too wide for them to see eye to eye, even if they were father and son.

"Was it worth it?" Kolyat asked, barely able to keep a handle on his anger and misery. "Was it worth her life?"

Everything he'd done, he'd done for them, to support them.

"Don't even answer," Kolyat waved a hand, effectively cutting him off. "I don't want to hear what you have to say." Kolyat crossed his arms over his chest, backing as far away from Thane as the narrow room would allow. "Why are you even here?"

"To help you."

A tired laugh left his son's lips as he shook his head. Kolyat turned to face Thane for the first time since they had entered the room. His eyes were large and watery, as he looked down at his father, the way one would an insect.

"Why?"

"You were turning in the wrong direction. As your father, It was my responsibility."

"Now you remember you're my father." Kolyat shook his head, as he started to pace along the far wall. He snorted, "About ten years too late for that."

Not a day went by when Kolyat hadn't crossed his mind. He assumed leaving Kolyat behind was for the better. Irikah's sister had experience with children, having raised several of her own. She would treat Kolyat well, despite what she thought of his father.

Nothing but his own crippling fear had kept him away. When he'd returned Kolyat was older, too old for him to step in and interrupt his life. He had hoped that, with time, the hurt would ebb away and he could lead a normal life. But the pain had only festered.

Standing here before him now, Thane didn't know what to say to him. No words could ever change what happened and make everything how it should have been. Nothing could bring _her _back_. _They both knew it.

"Why do you care what I do with my life _now_? You didn't give a shit before." Kolyat finally stopped restlessly pounding the floor, and started to close the gap between them with every word.

"I did care...I do care."

"Then why didn't you come back for me?" Kolyat's voice rose in pitch and volume, his words sharp, accusatory as he stared down his father, searching his eyes for answers.

"I've gone places no child should go. I've done things no child should see, and there was no other choice." Thane's voice shook, but he didn't care. He couldn't keep up the facade. Thane's head swam in a thick malaise of doubt and regret. How could someone with hands as bloodied as his be fit to raise a child?

"Was living with your aunt and uncle, truly, so terrible?" Thane sent money every month, and Irkiah's family was good people. Kolyat should have wanted for nothing.

Kolyat bellowed at the top of his lungs, "They weren't you!

"Whenever I wanted to know where you were, no one could give me an answer. It was like you were already dead. No one would explain to me why you didn't want to see me. I thought it was my fault."

The words rent Thane's heart in half. He'd wanted to protect Kolyat, give him a simpler life. But he knew he should have been there. Thane had failed him as well.

"Do you have any idea what that's like? To feel like no one wants you?"

Tears ran hot down Thane's cheeks, as he beheld his son who looked at him with only ire. This wasn't how it was supposed to be... "Kolyat, I'm sorry. I..."

He could say nothing else. Anything more would sound like an excuse for his behavior, when there was none. He had been a coward, and Thane would do anything to take it all back.

"You're sorry?" Kolyat's disbelief echoed off the cold, sterile walls. "You're sorry?"

Kolyat stalked up to Thane, teeth gnashed, his arm pulled back. If he were to strike him now, Thane would allow it. Thane was uncertain of what wounded him more; his son lashing out at him, or knowing that all Kolyat's pain was his doing.

Kolyat shoved at Thane's chest. Anguish made his face crumple on itself. "You don't _get _to be sorry!"

The outburst drained Kolyat of his venom and he let his arms drop feebly to his side. Tears streamed from his eyes. He turned towards the wall, rubbing them away with the back of his arm.

"It's too late for sorry." His voice warbled with the tears he tried not to shed, but he's unable to stop them from coming. "Tell Mom you're sorry." He ground his palms into his eyes, his body shuddering.

Here, was the sad boy Thane had left on Kahje, to mourn both his parents, so long ago. Unsure, Thane reached out and touched one of Kolyat's heaving shoulders. A discontented rumble rippled through Kolyat's back, but he didn't shrug Thane's hand away.

Thane wouldn't let him cry alone any longer.


End file.
